Investigate Photo-Thots With Closer Precision
If you're like us, then late at night, at an hour past thou bedtime, with your head resting in your hand and your elbow leaning on your pillow, you may find your Instagram scrolling momentarily halt as you attempt to give a thotful photo a closer look. Unfortunately, despite your greatest squinting efforts, the thirst goes unquenched.
Well like a dove's arrival on the heat of a battlefield, the Gods of Instagram AKA the Insta-lluminati have answered your prayers with the introduction of their new Zoom feature. Announced via Instagram's Instagram page (@Instagram), with a simple update, Instagram users will be able to zoom in, zoom out, and move side-to-side on photos and videos with the pinch of their fingers. For now, this feature is only available to iOS users AKA the AppleCore, but Android users need not fret - Zoom is coming to a phone near you soon enough.
Whether or not you believe this announcement to have been worth an announcement, one must admit that Instagram's decision to introduce Zoom at this point in late capitalism can teach an important lesson to entrepreneurs and demagogues alike. Zooming in on photos or videos is not a technological innovation by any 'stretch' of the imagination. What intrigues and excites us and the world about the Zoom is that we've been deprived of it - we didn't have to be, but we were. And now that we can Zoom (by we, we mean iOS users), we are overcome with a sense of gratefulness. Brand loyalty goes up, more photos are uploaded, and the photo-thots adapt to the lifestyle change, paying extra attention to each individual pixel. Thank you, instagods.